Viral news from the nether region

Orthomolecular Medicine News Service, July 19, 2021
Satire by Andrew W. Saul, Editor

(OMNS July 19, 2021) What follows is an editorial that is purported to have been recently published in the Daily Hellion newspaper: 

Lincoln was right when he said, “You can’t fool all of the people all of the time.” And there is no need to. We just have to fool most of the people most of the time. We have long worked to put the “demon” into democracy. COVID has done it splendidly. Even Hades’ own think tanks (and we have tanks full of thinkers in Hell) did not seriously expect the vast majority of the world’s entire population to placidly wear face masks for months on end. Even more delightful was the discovery that the majority so willingly fell into line the moment politicians and unelected “health” authorities invoked “emergency powers.” Such cooperation was promptly rewarded by locking citizens down from their lives, their liberty, and their pursuit of happiness. 

Our crowning achievement was to monetize mass medical misery. Our partners in the pharmaceutical industry really rose to the occasion, as their record of previous convictions predicted they would. Big pharma has never been known to turn down dump trucks full of cash. Neither they, nor the governments that pushed their products for them, can be held legally liable. The hastily “tested” experimental shots have killed thousands and injured hundreds of thousands. And it was all paid for by the victims’ own tax money. Dillinger and Capone never had such a racket as this. 

It was television that sealed the deal. Non-stop bludgeoning with “Stay home; stay safe” resulted in “Be depressed; eat more.” An already overweight population was kept even more sedentary, put on the dole, and scared six ways from Tuesday. For months and months and months. But the stroke of genius was to give the public the illusion of being informed and cared for while completely misdirecting them. The ubiquitous TV message was, “COVID will kill you and there is no preventive and no effective treatment. So stay put until we get you your life-saving vaccine.” 

Admittedly, we almost fumbled the ball when word slipped out that a number of existing therapies, including vitamins C and D, were being used to treat COVID with excellent success. But we totally flushed that message beneath a whirlpool of never-ending fear mongering. It was easy. The mass media well know and dutifully practice the old adage: “If it bleeds, it leads.” Plus, media get their income from pharmaceutical advertising and depend on government for their broadcast licenses and access to press conferences. So we knew we had the media from the start. Objective, balanced reporting was not even possible, let alone likely. 

But we really nailed it down when we took over the social media so fast it would make Joseph Goebbels blush. Any serious discussion of fighting COVID by strengthening your immune system was promptly trashed by mercenary “fact checkers.” Building the body’s resistance through exercise and dietary supplementation became taboo. Entire Facebook pages with hundreds of thousands of followers vanished. Wikipedia pages were scrubbed and YouTube videos censored. 

We will continue to press our hell-bent narrative: the virus is the only enemy; the human body is only a sitting duck; only the government has the answers; only the pharmaceutical cartel has the vaccine. 

If only the populace knew the truth. If people start looking into nutritional prevention and treatment, they will no longer shut up, smile, and just get their shot. 

We can’t have that, now, can we? 

(This editorial commentary by Andrew W. Saul does not necessarily represent the views of all members of the Orthomolecular Medicine News Service Editorial Board.) 

1. Nutritional prevention and treatment of COVID has been the subject of several dozen Orthomolecular Medicine News Service releases. The articles are fully referenced, peer-reviewed, and free-access at http://www.orthomolecular.org/resources/omns/index.shtml , in English, Spanish, and many other languages. 
2. And, should you be in the mood for them, there are additional satirical commentaries:
   1. Marginalizing Megadosing Mammals: A Special Report Leaked from the World Headquarters Of Pharmaceutical Politicians, Educators, and Reporters. http://orthomolecular.org/resources/omns/v10n19.shtml
3. Selective Evidence Based Medicine Takes a New Turn http://orthomolecular.org/resources/omns/v08n11.shtml
4. How to Fool All of the People All of the Time http://orthomolecular.org/resources/omns/v06n05.shtml
5. How to Destroy Confidence in Vitamins When You Do Not Have the Facts http://orthomolecular.org/resources/omns/v06n02.shtml
6. Multivitamins Dangerous? Latest News from the World Headquarters Of Pharmaceutical Politicians, Educators and Reporters http://orthomolecular.org/resources/omns/v06n15.shtml